Its going to be OK in the end

transformation and growthThe very last time I saw my Dad, his last words as I turned around to leave were “don’t look back you’re not going this way”. I wanted to turn around with all my heart and it fractured as I walked out of the door knowing that I would never see him again.

Previously, on one of our last days together we had sat in a sunlit hospice garden. I asked him to let me know what happens afterwards, but not to scrawl something in the bathroom mirror, because I would be too scared. He laughed, squeezed my hand and said he would do his best.

The next few days I woke each night, looking at the clock showing exactly 2:22 every time.  The fourth night my dreams were disturbed by the image of my dad standing in a darkened doorway. He wore brightly coloured clothes and a figure stood in the shadows behind him. I was aware this shadowy figure was a guide, pressing his arm like he was uncomfortable with the situation, that this was not normal protocol and he had been persuaded to allow this unusual interaction. There was an urgency and the rules had been bent for only a brief moment but if you knew my dad you would understand how persuasive he could be, if anyone could charm the reaper it would have been him.

With a sad look he said he loved me, said he had to go and had come to say goodbye, he hugged me and I felt immense, boundless love sweep through me. The figure behind gestured they had to go and both disappeared through the doorway. The light, warmth and ethereal chaos I felt, left. I was alone in dark stillness. I opened my eyes and again it was 2:22.

The following morning the phone rung at 10am, I sat on the stairs and put my head in my hands letting it ring, hoping that if I didn’t answer it wouldn’t be true. I heard someone pick it up and say I will tell her. I cried a river that day.

I believe he was good to his word and came through for me. Assuring me that life doesn’t end, just our forms change and still adventure awaits us. Renewed either in this world or another. Life and death are mere illusions, we are eternal beings in the constant state of transformation. In the end it will be ok. & if its not ok. it isn’t the end.  Just like the caterpillar, who thought the world was over and then became a butterfly. Click To Tweet


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